Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
