I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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