Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I AM VODKA MAN
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
