what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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