none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
