You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
