Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
