So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
