I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
