Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is Oprah even human
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
