So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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