ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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