Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
