So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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