We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
