What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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