i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
