even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
