Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
