grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
