and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
