Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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