Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
