I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
