I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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