Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
