I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
