Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
