all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
