the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
