glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
