Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
