ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
