I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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