her vagine was all disorganized.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
