Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I could make wine with my vomit
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
