then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
