we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
