mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
