My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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