My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
