Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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