Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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