so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
