My first STD was from a foam party
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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