her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
