dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
