Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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