We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
