Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
